5DP2DT-IVF#4

pan·ic: [pan-ik] noun


1.  a sudden overwhelming fear, with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior, and that often spreads quickly through a group of persons or animals.

panic attack –noun Psychiatry. an intense attack of anxiety characterized by feelings of impending doom and trembling, sweating, pounding heart, and other physical symptoms.

Yep.  That sounds about right.  That's what I had this morning.  I was in the shower and realized I would have to go have my blood test alone.  The man is on a flight at the butt-crack of dawn that day.  So I will have to go do it by my self and get the news by my self.

Best case scenario:  BIG FAT POSITIVE!  I call the man we celebrate over the phone!

Worst case scenario:  Big Fat Mocking Stuff It In Your Face Negative.  I call and tell him and it sucks.  I'm depressed and set up an appointment with the RE to get the names of surgeons to go in and clean my shit up.

So, I panicked.  I have drugs for panic attacks, I've had them before, but ironically enough I can't take them because I COULD be pregnant!  I mean is this the BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?!?!?!?!!!!  One of the FEW times in your life when alcohol or anti-anxiety medication would be really handy...and you CAN'T HAVE IT!!!  Some one has a really, really, really sick sense of humor.

I guess I'll go get stuck with more needles tomorrow.  I have to admit, I am calmer this cycle.  I mean, except for today.  I am hesitant to say what else isn't happening becuase I don't want to jinx anything.  *sigh*

THIS SUCKS!!

( I am pretty optimistic though...honest.)