The Doctor Is In

The man read my last post and came home and gave me this!

CD10/SD10/LD12-IVF#4

I don't really have anything to write about today.  Tomorrow is another ultrasound and I suppose we'll determine when to trigger.  Then you know the drill.  I expect that the retrieval will go about the same as last time.  Hopefully I won't be leaking body fluids like last time and I won't be in as much pain as last time.  They'll drain the endos like last time so that probably makes the two previous wishes a moot point.  (Or as Joey says, "A moo point.  It's like a cow's opinion, it doesn't matter, it's moo.")



That cracks me up every time lololol!

Anyway, hopefully it will work unlike last time.  I would just feel a lot better if they had the spotting under control.  It's just fucked up, ya know?

Well after some consideration and my poor response I don't think the flare protocol is right for me.  Of course I'm not sure what is at this point.

Well, I think that's all I got for now.  See ya later.

Moo.

CD12/TRIGGER DAY

Antibiotic - Check.

HCG - T minus 2hours 25 minutes...

Mood:

Here is an example of my mood:

Last night I was watching a segment on 60 Minutes.  It was about a guy named John Kanzius.  He has invented a machine that may cure cancer.  They are having luck with animal test.  They are about 4 years out from human testings.  YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN the research geeks talking about this machine!  (Don't get me wrong, I so luuuuuuuuuuuurv me some geeks!)  I haven't seen geeks on TV get that excited in...geeze, EVER!  It really is exciting I have to admit.  Anyway several time during the story I got all weepy.  "Oh my God!  They're actually gonna cure cancer!" weep, weep.

I am so fucking hormonal.

UPDATE:

Trigger -  Check.

CD8/SD8

I know I've been  a bitch these past couple of days, and to tell the truth, I'm still not over it.  But at least I'm blogging...

I go back in tomorrow for another violation ultrasound to see what's what.  They started me on the Ganirelix today.  Can I say...OW!!!  The needle does not play nice and the juice stings!!!  I don't like it.  But, whatever.  Dr doesn't feel we'll retrieve before Monday.  So tomorrow we'll see.

My mood is seriously bad.  Honestly, you know what I'm looking forward to?  The retrieval.  Why?  Because they will KNOCK. MY. ASS. OUT!  I just don't want to deal or think.  I'm seriously hoping for pain killers for after the procedure.  I'm REALLY sore for about 24-36 hours after a retrieval.  Not sure why, maybe just sensitive.  So it would be a nice bonus to be knocked out in addition to not being in pain.

And on a completely different topic, sort of...

Someone said to me recently, I can't remember who, "When life gives you lemons, throw them at people."  or something similar.  I like it.  Very violent.  How about squeezing the juice into someones eye!!!  That thought just makes me giddy!  As you can see...not better yet...

CD4/SD4

I'm doing better today.  I called the RE Fellow on call this A.M. and she called in a prescription for me to help the migraine.  I think I love her.  I'm still not 100%, so I'm not gonna rant like I planned but I will bring up what had me astounded the other night.

Remember my mean little blind, knitting friend, the one who hits people with her cane?  Well, evidently she had company this weekend.  I'm not sure how it came up, but I get this email from her, she's on her cell phone, "I hate certain persons, especially when it comes to religion."  Uh oh.  Then I get an IM on Yahoo:

BKF:    I hate stupid people!!!
MWB:    oh no why?
BKF:    I have a fucker here pissing me off saying that you and pat need to adopt that you guys have no right
MWB:    no right to what
BKF:    I told him your God isn't right all the time look around fucker
BKF:    Ivf
MWB:    tell him when he gets elected god he can tell me what to do.
MWB:    what god didn’t make drs?
BKF:    Exactly
MWB:    self righteous bastard
MWB:    if he wants to live in the dark ages tell him to go find a nice third world country and kindly disappear and please don’t reproduce we don’t need any more narrow minded individuals in the world thank u
BKF:    I told him what if you were sterile and all your wife wanted was to have your baby
BKF:    He said then we'll adopt
MWB:    and that's a valid choice
MWB:    one we are not prepared to make yet
BKF:    I'm pissed off at narrow mindedness
MWB:    yeah
BKF:    I told him personally I've carried My Husband’s's babies and honestly if I couldn't I don't think I'd want to adopt
MWB:    does he have kids?
BKF:    No he's 30 and still a virgin
BKF:    Fucker
BKF:    I told Ed I didn't want him here this weekend
MWB:    tell his know it all ass to call me when he wants to have biological children and the possibility that he cant comes up
MWB:    tell him he should not speak of what he doesn't know
BKF:    He's got a whole idea of well it really wasn't meant to be thing
MWB:    mhmmm
MWB:    he ever been sick?
MWB:    ever been to a dr.
MWB:    had surgery
MWB:    fixed a car
BKF:    I.said I want to here from your future wife
BKF:    He's stupid totally stupid
MWB:    yup
BKF:    He's the one that landed the jet ski on the back of our boat and luckily the two in the back caught it and jumped otherwise they would’ve been hurt or dead
MWB:    idiot
BKF:    You know I'm all about what goes around comes around
BKF:    Hmmmmm I wonder what's coming around for him
MWB:    no one will marry him
MWB:    he'll die a virgin
BKF:    That's what I'm thinking too
BKF:    I love you you have the same mentality as me
BKF:    Are we broken or is it the world?
MWB:    the world


I fully expect by this point she has beaten him around the head and shoulders with her cane. *snicker*  Today the moron apparently did something else to piss her off involving her own kids.  Her husband is not happy either.  I'm guessing, he will never get an invitation back.  HAHA!

In other news, the shots are going OK.  Menopur still stings so I do that one first.  I'll see if I can manage to record myself mixing tomorrow so you can see.  I go in tomorrow so they can have a look at my follies.  Day 5 and all.  So we will see how they are developing.  I'm feeling a little full, bloated around my ovaries so my guess is they are growing or my insides are just swollen, which happens to me too.  I'm hoping for Type A follies!

Ok, that's all I got.  Thanks again to everyone for the great comments!  I really appreciate the well wishes and positive thoughts!

CD2/SD2

Cramps from Hell - Looks like a duck.

Fatigue from Hell - Quacks like a duck.

Must be a duck.

Ergo - I'm in Hell!

So the Menopur didn't really sting this time so it must have been operator error; stabbed myself in the wrong place.  (Stab Stab - That's for you Sci!)

When I wasn't sleeping I was having an OK day.  So, that was good.  But the later it got, the more tired I got, probably the more hormonal I got, the more doubt and fear slipped in.  Mainly, what if it doesn't work?  BIG FEAR!  For a couple good reasons I don't have the emotional where-with-all to go into right now.  I know, I'm hormonal, moody and tired.

It. Will. Be.  Fine.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Ok, enough of that...here's a funny story.

I have this friend, we actually met on-line.  She's legally blind.  When we go out together, I don't let her take her cane with her.  No, I am not sadistic or mean!  I have self preservation skills!  She likes to hit people with her cane.  And unless I am on Lupron, I a not up for fighting fools!  This is one of the reasons I like her so much, actually.  (This is important to the story, I swear.) We met on a knitting forum.  She knits the most amazing stuff.  Stuff I can't do and I can see fine!  She asked me what knitted stuff I wanted for the baby.  I said everything.  All their clothes should be knit!  Well, that should use up about a quarter of her yarn stash.  That is no joke!  Anyway we were on-line last night yakin' it up.

Knitting Friend: "So are we going to the knitting convention in February?"

OK don't laugh we try to go every year.  It's fun.

Me:  "Planning on it...Oh wait, I should be VERY pregnant by then."  I do the math.  "Oh yeah, it should be fine."

Knitting Friend: "Can you see it now?  Me with my cane, pushing your too pregnant ass in a wheel chair?!!"

Hysterical laughter ensues.

I tell the man about the conversation.  More hysterical laughter, "I WOULD go to see that!"

Cue more laughter!

On that note, I guess I'm out.

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Cycle Day 23

To obsess or not to obsess...Well, it's me so of course it's to obsess.  What's my latest bent?  Well 3-Day versus 5-Day transfer.  I'm debating with myself over how technical to get about this...hmmmm.  Fuck it.  I'll just see where it leads me.  As I understand it, if the fertilized eggs make it to good grade (1 or 2), and 8 cells by day 3, they will transfer it to another medium to grow to blastoycyst stage.

Numeric grading systems for multicell embryos usually have 4 levels:

Grade 1: even cell division, no fragmentation
Grade 2: even cell division, small fragmentation
Grade 3: uneven cell division, moderate fragmentation
Grade 4: uneven cell division, excessive fragmentation

Article by T. Timothy Smith, MD IVF Timetable and Embryo Grading

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="360" caption="3-Day 8 Cell Embryo"][/wp_caption]

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="360" caption="5-Day Blastocyst"][/wp_caption]

My question is, what if the cells don't make it to 8 by day 3 and they decide to transfer on day 3 anyway, who's to say that they would develop any further in my uterus?  The fertilized egg doesn't usually make it to the uterus until day 5.  On day 3 they are still in the fallopian tube.  So does putting them in a place they are not supposed to be in for another couple of days risk the eggs?  If you keep them in the new medium, which is more like a fallopian tube environment for the 5 day transfer, does it give you better odds?  If they are not developing after 3 days doesn't it mean that there is a genetic problem?  Is transferring them on day 3 just taking the emotional responsibility off the RE?  The embies don't make it to day 5 so the couple screams, "Your lab screwed up my embryos!!"  Or are they in a back room somewhere shaking their collective heads at the poorly developed cells snickering, "Well, lets just transfer them since they aren't gonna make it anyway that way she will think it's her fault and not ours."  Is the reason they predominately do a 3 Day transfer because of insurance companies.  Does the extra expense and time it takes to nurture to the blast stage make it a financial decision rather than a scientific one?  Are they too large a clinic for them to bring it to blast effectively because they do so many procedures?  I told you I was obsessing.

My next not so heated obsess?  Well I guess it's not really an obsess more of a query.  Why didn't they put me on Lupron this cycle?  Curious...

My third obsess, Assisted Hatching.  To hatch or not to hatch?  What is it?  The embryo is first placed in a petrie dish containing culture solution. A special pipette is then used to hold the embryo in place. The embryologist takes a hollow needle that contains an acidic solution and places it next to the zona pellicuda. A tiny bit of this acidic solution is released from the needle so that it comes into contact with the zona pellicuda. ( I understand they are beginning to use lasers, too)  This acidic solution begins to slowly digest the protective layering, creating a small hole. The embryo is then washed in a special solution and placed back inside an incubator until the embryo transfer can take place. It seems to me if assisted hatching increases pregnancy rates why wouldn't you do it all the time?

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="360" caption="Assisted Hatching"][/wp_caption]

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="350" caption="Hatched Blast - Go little blast GO!!!"][/wp_caption]

I was reading about the reasons to do assisted hatching:

1. Where the woman is over a certain age (37 ick!).  --OK. That's me...


2. Egg quality and quantity.  Where the woman's FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone: 1- Hormone produced by the pituitary gland responsible for stimulating the growth of the follicle that surrounds the egg. FSH on CD3 of menstrual cycle is important in evaluating ovarian reserve.) hormone is high.  --Not sure about that, I think mine was.


3. The Z factor.  Where the Zona Pellucida (the outer covering of the egg...the shell) is thick.  --I have no idea...


4. Previous failed IVF attemps. --This is IVF #3

So, when I checked my paperwork, they don't have me down for assisted hatching.  WELL WHY THE FUCK NOT!!!  The poor doctor is soooooooo gonna get an ear full from me tomorrow.

Last obsess, what if they don't like the size of my size 1 follicle?  I have never been a size 1 anything...maybe shoe...Now, I'm complaining because I have something that is a size 1 and it too freaking big.  How wrong is that!!!!!  This is not going to be a very good night...

In other related news...you notice we are on Cycle Day 23 and Cycle Day 1 again...I'm tired, crampy, headachy...but no CD1.  Maybe tomorrow.

I was just re-reading this post and can you please add PMS to my "In other related news" list?  Sheesh...maybe it's a good thing I'm not on Lupron.  I might start killing fools.  The doctor was probably afraid for his life!

Cycle Day 16

I'm Back!  Miss me?  No?  Too bad.  Well we were out of town for a couple of days and while we were out of town, kissin' and huggin' on family, one of the bastards gave me a sore throat so I haven't felt up to blogging.  But now, I'm back.  Just in time to go away for another couple of days.  LOL.

The nurse called me back and told me they did a TSH on me and everything was where it should be.  Honestly that bums me out because it would have explained so many things.  Oh well.  She also said that the dr had me on a pretty high dose of stimulants.  So, maybe that will fix...something.  She also said that camping shouldn't be a problem.  She was a little concerned about floating down the river after having to dilate my cervix, but it should go back to normal before then.  I also need to stay out of the sun while I am on the antibiotic (which I hope will help clear up the sore throat).

Monday, we went to the IVF Orientation and Injection Training class.  It was mostly been there done that.  Except I had some different meds, so I wanted to be clear on those.  SOMEONE, was impatient and didn't want to stay.  He felt like he'd been there done that, I don't have to give you any injections, why do I have to be here?   I said fine, leave.  I'll walk home.  He laughed.  I was not amused.  At.  All.  Other than that, the class went well.  We need to stop by the pharmacy that gave me my drugs to pick up some Q*Caps that they took out of the box.  "Well most people don't get training on it so we take it out."  I think she has been sampling some of products she's been selling.  So we'll leave a little earlier and do that before hand.

I have a Talisman or Amulet.  I will take it with me to all my procedures.  I'm really happy about that.  Those of you who know my other identity, I will blog about it there.  Anyway it's a carved stone horse.  It's beautiful, perfect and given with absolute love.  So I know it will help!

Tomorrow I go in for the Hysteroscopy.  Am I nervous?  No.  But, if it does turn operative, then camping is out.  Which will bug me because I just spent 90 minutes packing.  I could have been sleeping!!!  HAHAHAHAHAAHA.  Yes, I am bringing my computer with me camping.  So, I may blog while I'm there and post when I get back.    Which reminds me, I need to find some movies to bring with me...It is a VERY.  LONG.  DRIVE.  Like 7 hours if we hit no traffic.    Fortunately we are taking the Mystery Machine and there is a bed in the back (which is why we are taking it, no tents) so while I am all drugged up, I can be in the back snoozin'.  I love that idea.  I also have a couple of audio books as well as regular books.  I should be good.

I was thinking the other day that maybe creating this blog wasn't the best idea.  I mean what if this round doesn't work.  Then everyone will know rather than just the two of us.  Very scary.  Not that I don't love my friends and family, but...I'm not one to share pain.  So, if the worst happens, don't take it personally if I don't want to talk.

Also, thanks to everyone for your comments.  They made me feel a bunch better.  I just want to do everything right, you know...of course you do.  And those of you who have been through it or are going through it or are about to go through it, you totally feel me!  So, that's it until later.  Wish me luck tomorrow!

Cycle Day 9

I have a couple things to talk about today that I forgot to mention yesterday.

First, I need to make another confession.  I'm apparently suffering from anxiety.  I guess that goes hand in hand with fear.  How did I come to this enlightening conclusion?  My hands hurt.  OK, stick with me...

My hands have been hurting.  Even with as much typing as I do, there is no reason for my hands to be feeling like this.  Honest.  I don't type THAT much!  Then, two nights in a row, I wake to me, gripping my blankets like it is a life line; the only thing coming between me and a long, painful drop onto sharp rocks covered in salt!  Why didn't I figure it out the FIRST night I woke up this way.  I forgot.  I've been tired lately, back off.  The second night I was like, "Ohhhhh..."  I'm not really sure how to deal with that. When I find myself doing that and I'm awake, (I SAID back off!!  I'm working through my denial!)  I just stop, stretch my hands, breathe, relax.  Not sure how to do that when you're sleeping...Any ideas?

Second

Yesterday we got a notice that my insurance had been canceled due to lack of payment in April.  WTF!!!  So we looked it up there was a payment in April and May.  There were other notices from them saying there was continuation of coverage blah, blah, blah...same old stuff...oh, that and the premium had gone up.  So I call them.  "Sorry ma'am, I don't see that your account has been cancelled.  Sorry for scaring the living shit out of you!  Is there anything else I can do?"

"No, thank you."  I hang up.  Can you believe that crap?  Like I'm not neurotic enough!!  You do remember the COST of IVF don't you???

THEN!!!!  They had the nerve to call me today to tell me my coverage had been reinstated.  WTF!!!  AGAIN!!  I stopped him in mid schpeal.  "Excuse me, you're telling me my coverage was cancelled and now is reinstated?"

"Yes ma'am.  Did I stutter?"

"No, but I do believe you're talking out of your ass.  Why the fuck did you cancel it, Ass talker?  May I call you Ass Talker?"

"Sure, call me A.T. for short!  I've been called worse.  But Um...I don't know why your coverage was canceled.  It doesn't say. But it's reinstated!  And the rates have gone up to..."

"Wait A.T.  Why the hell did the rates go up?"

Exasperated sigh, "Not becuase we were a bunch of dumbasses and cancelled your insurance for no reason.  The company just raised the rates since you are gonna be spending like $15,000 of our money.  They had to recoup it somehow.  So we are gonna make everyone pay."

"OK...  Will the new rates will be up on your site so I don't have to write down the number?"

"If you're that feeble, yes it will be up there."

"Whatever A.T., I hope you and your other Ass Talking clan, never find a parking space ever again!"

"Thank you, have a nice day."

"Bite me."

Third bit of information that came to me today.  The hysterosocopy... IS ON!!  Yes ladies and gentlemen, the film crew will be invading my uterus July 3, 2007.  Not sure of the release date, you know how it goes, editing, titles, music...all that Hollywood stuff.  I'm not sure of the pay, since I'm not in the union, but, I'd be happy with scale.  (Like I know what scale is...)  So, why are they doing it?  Well, apparently after reviewing the ultrasound, they saw a mucoid something or other on my lining.  I would go into it, but I'm really not sure what it means.  I don't know why it would be there.  Or really what it is.  I mean I kinda, sorta know what it is, but if you want to know what it is...here.  Trust me, there will be a lot of questions about this.

Anyway, I say to the nurse, "I'm ok with this.  I just wanted to know that there was a reason for the procedure, that you weren't just doing it becuase, it's like the military and you're just doing it becuase  you were orderd to. "

She found that funny.  Not sure why.

"Anyway.  I also just wanted to say, I know you don't like to knock people out doing this procedure in office.  The last time I had this done they did knock me out, by the way.  But I just want you to know I'm very anxious about this.  I know it is not a comfortable procedure."

Again she laughed.  Apparently, I'm hilarious and need to get a stand up job.

"So, I will show up wearing my big girl panties, but I just want everyone involved to know, I am anxious about this."

More laughter, "Ok.  Don't worry .  It will be fine."

I guess she gets this a lot and is not phased, which, on some level is comforting.  Oh well, I guess we'll see.

So, next Mondy we go do the IVF Orientation and Injection Training 12.45-4.00.  Gawd!  Oh, and we are supposed to bring two oranges to the injection training.  This cracks me up.  My hope is that they make us peel the orange before we start sticking it with needles.  I mean, if anyone has skin that resembles an orange, they really need to be seeing a completely different doctor.   Then we go back up on Thursday for the filming, check in 12.00 noon!  I'm ready for my close up!!

Journey's Beginning

Well, here I am again. I.V.F. This time, I thought I would write about my experiences; keep a running journal of what I am going through, what's happening...you know. A little on line therapy. I think it might be a good place to send friends and family members who what to know what's up the the process. So here we go...

The picture is of ICSI (Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection) we will be doing this too.

Information:

I have an appointment June 19, 2008 @ 2.30, I think. This third cycle (third time's a charm right?) we are going through Stanford. Remarkably they are covered by my insurance. Thursday's appointment is to go over the schedule. Well tentative schedule. Things change with your body's levels of hormones and stuff. So here is what I know so far...tentatively....

• 06/20/2008 - Cycle Day 1


• 06/22 to 07/05/2008 - Start Birth Control Pills


• 07/03/08 - Baseline appointment and Hysteroscopy


• I think sometime in here I start the injectable drugs


• 07/20/2008 - I believe I get the HcG shot.


• 07/21/2008 - Egg Retrieval


• 07/24/2008 - Embryo Transfer

Then the dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW)

I also have a tentative list of drugs for this cycle. Now, please forgive my spelling.

• Ganirelix - blocks FSH


• Menepro - Stimulant (Follistim)


• HcG Injection - Induce ovulation


• Medrol - Anti rejection


• Doxycycline - antibiotic


• Valium - well...you know lol

I pick up the drugs on Thursday. To the tune of $407.00, and that is WITH insurance. Lord.

Status:

There seems to be some trouble with getting my medical records from the last clinic. Hopefully that will be sorted. I am also questioning the dr on the Hysteroscopy. I had one about 2 months ago. Not sure why I need another one. I don't want to have one just because it's "in the plan". You know? Just following orders.

Mood:

Needless to say, I am worried. Not too, not yet, but I have my concerns; what with the spotting, cysts and weight and all. But I guess we will do what we can when we can.

Well, I guess that's it. Please feel free to drop me a comment or email if you have any questions. Here is a video that might explain some stuff.