...Also known as Day Before Blood Test Day.
Same drill as last time.
We'll let you know...
http://mommiewannabe.wordpress.com/2008/08/02/7dp3dt7dp3dt/
http://mommiewannabe.wordpress.com/2008/08/03/8dp3dt8dp3dt/
In other news, my conversation with the clinic today:
Me: Hi, my friends kids gave me a sore throat and cold. Is there anything I can take to help with the congestion?
Nurse: *Cackles hysterically for 35 minutes*
Me: *Blink Blink*
Nurse: Nah, man! It just sucks to be you! *More cackling as she hangs up on me*
Me: *Blink Blink, hangs up phone*
Me: *Calls Acupuncturist* I can't make the appointment. I'm sick as a dog.
Her: You're congested!!
Me: Yeah
Her: Come in!! I can help with that!!
Me: I'll be right there.
One hour later...
Me: Takes deep breath BECAUSE. I. CAN!
Me: *Hears Hallelujah Chorus*
Her: Better?
Me: *Thinks about proposing* Yes thank you!
Her: Good luck tomorrow. I'll put you here on the books with a heart and sending you light!
Me: Thank you!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
8DP2DT-IVF#4
So, after a lovely bought of food poisoning, which included chills like I have never experienced before. ( I couldn't get the thermometer in my mouth I was shaking so bad) I have had a splitting headache since last night and when I sat down for dinner tonight, discovered my throat hurts. *sigh*
Anyone else wanna kick me when I'm down?
Anyone else wanna kick me when I'm down?
Monday, September 22, 2008
7DP2DT-IVF#4
What has extreme stomach pain, followed by alternating rounds of barfing and...other stuff, rounded out by extreme chills and concludes with hot flashes?
That would be me. Thank you, food poisoning. Like I didn't have enough to worry about. Does God hate me, or what?
That would be me. Thank you, food poisoning. Like I didn't have enough to worry about. Does God hate me, or what?
Sunday, September 21, 2008
6DP2DT-IVF#4 - Pt. 2
I called my RE this am and left a message. I said the spotting we had discussed has started again. Any suggestions?
I got a voice mail because I was out, and the nurse said he said, we could try the PIO ( Progesterone in Oil) shots. (Those would be the ginormous intramuscular needles in the ass every night). The thing about it is, it probably won't help. I think it's just something else "to do". I won't really be getting any more progesterone than I already am. So, I'm mulling it over.
You have any thoughts one way or another?
Here is a video of this poor girl having to give it to herself. I couldn't do it. I swear!
Anyway, can't say as if I'm moved to do that. I have until tomorrow to decide...I'll sleep on it.
6DP2DT-IVF#4
Yesterday's post was written out of pain and panic. This far (though I have only been up 30 minutes) there is a lot less panic and pain, but there is a lot of resignation.
The reason for the freak out was I started spotting again. So, what can I say, I feel the jig is up. While I am not freaking out, I am resigned to the fact of another failed cycle and am beginning to look towards surgery.
The reason for the freak out was I started spotting again. So, what can I say, I feel the jig is up. While I am not freaking out, I am resigned to the fact of another failed cycle and am beginning to look towards surgery.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
5DP2DT-IVF#4 - Pt. 2
So I had a complete and total melt down. I did what I do. Go take a shower and cry like death is upon me. Complete vulnerability. Naked, wet, in the shower, crying uncontrollably, your heart and emotions, naked and wet. Muttering to my husband, who has come in to find me in this disturbing state and asks,"Why are you crying what's wrong?"
Me: "I'm tired. I can't take it. It's too hard. I can't do this."
He knows me. He let me be after a few minutes. Probably to start smoking again.
I went to acupuncture and it calmed me down.
A good friend gaveme some advice about doing some natural things. I'm doing them.
My head hurts. My eyes are red and puffy. I have two sick cats (not the kittens) that are concerning me. I feel like a failure. And my homework answers for this week suck.
Me: "I'm tired. I can't take it. It's too hard. I can't do this."
He knows me. He let me be after a few minutes. Probably to start smoking again.
I went to acupuncture and it calmed me down.
A good friend gaveme some advice about doing some natural things. I'm doing them.
My head hurts. My eyes are red and puffy. I have two sick cats (not the kittens) that are concerning me. I feel like a failure. And my homework answers for this week suck.
I give up.
Friday, September 19, 2008
5DP2DT-IVF#4
pan·ic: [pan-ik] noun
1. a sudden overwhelming fear, with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior, and that often spreads quickly through a group of persons or animals.
panic attack –noun Psychiatry. an intense attack of anxiety characterized by feelings of impending doom and trembling, sweating, pounding heart, and other physical symptoms.
Yep. That sounds about right. That's what I had this morning. I was in the shower and realized I would have to go have my blood test alone. The man is on a flight at the butt-crack of dawn that day. So I will have to go do it by my self and get the news by my self.
Best case scenario: BIG FAT POSITIVE! I call the man we celebrate over the phone!
Worst case scenario: Big Fat Mocking Stuff It In Your Face Negative. I call and tell him and it sucks. I'm depressed and set up an appointment with the RE to get the names of surgeons to go in and clean my shit up.
So, I panicked. I have drugs for panic attacks, I've had them before, but ironically enough I can't take them because I COULD be pregnant! I mean is this the BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?!?!?!?!!!! One of the FEW times in your life when alcohol or anti-anxiety medication would be really handy...and you CAN'T HAVE IT!!! Some one has a really, really, really sick sense of humor.
I guess I'll go get stuck with more needles tomorrow. I have to admit, I am calmer this cycle. I mean, except for today. I am hesitant to say what else isn't happening becuase I don't want to jinx anything. *sigh*
( I am pretty optimistic though...honest.)
1. a sudden overwhelming fear, with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior, and that often spreads quickly through a group of persons or animals.
panic attack –noun Psychiatry. an intense attack of anxiety characterized by feelings of impending doom and trembling, sweating, pounding heart, and other physical symptoms.
Yep. That sounds about right. That's what I had this morning. I was in the shower and realized I would have to go have my blood test alone. The man is on a flight at the butt-crack of dawn that day. So I will have to go do it by my self and get the news by my self.
Best case scenario: BIG FAT POSITIVE! I call the man we celebrate over the phone!
Worst case scenario: Big Fat Mocking Stuff It In Your Face Negative. I call and tell him and it sucks. I'm depressed and set up an appointment with the RE to get the names of surgeons to go in and clean my shit up.
So, I panicked. I have drugs for panic attacks, I've had them before, but ironically enough I can't take them because I COULD be pregnant! I mean is this the BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?!?!?!?!!!! One of the FEW times in your life when alcohol or anti-anxiety medication would be really handy...and you CAN'T HAVE IT!!! Some one has a really, really, really sick sense of humor.
I guess I'll go get stuck with more needles tomorrow. I have to admit, I am calmer this cycle. I mean, except for today. I am hesitant to say what else isn't happening becuase I don't want to jinx anything. *sigh*
THIS SUCKS!!
( I am pretty optimistic though...honest.)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
3DP2DT-IVF#4
I am so freaking tired. I feel I could sleep for days. Must be the anxiety of it all catching up with me because I haven't really done anything to warrant this kind of fatigue.
I think I"m gonna go to bed. See ya later.
I think I"m gonna go to bed. See ya later.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
2DP2DT (Days Past 2 Day Tranfer)-IVF#4
So, the transfer went great. The embies were better quality than last time. We got a 3, 4 and 5 cell, which was about what we had on day 3 last time. So that's good. Had acupuncture the day before the transfer and the day after and will have one on Saturday and the day before the blood test. I have a mantra to say. I also have a cd to listen to, which I haven't yet. LOL
I'm a little afraid to say I'm cautiously optimistic. Feel pretty good this time. I hope it works. Here are the pics. The first is of the embies. The second is where he put them in my uterus...weclome. (lol) It's the circled section, not the three white spots, those are the air bubbles that pushed the embies out of the catheter. But, that's them! I think if you click on the pick, it will put it in another window, then click on it again to blow it up.
[gallery]
I'm a little afraid to say I'm cautiously optimistic. Feel pretty good this time. I hope it works. Here are the pics. The first is of the embies. The second is where he put them in my uterus...weclome. (lol) It's the circled section, not the three white spots, those are the air bubbles that pushed the embies out of the catheter. But, that's them! I think if you click on the pick, it will put it in another window, then click on it again to blow it up.
[gallery]
Saturday, September 13, 2008
CD15/SD15/LD17/Day After Retreival-IVF#4
RE called.
7 eggs.
3 immature.
4 ICSI'ed
3 Fertilized.
On one hand disappointing. On the other, still more than I thought. I just wanted more for a better chance. So my mood is pretty grim. Except for when 6 comes to love on me and lick my nose and chin. That makes my heart pretty happy.
We're going ahead with the 2 day transfer.
Had Acupuncture today. Gonna have it Monday too. Tomorrow...transfer day...
7 eggs.
3 immature.
4 ICSI'ed
3 Fertilized.
On one hand disappointing. On the other, still more than I thought. I just wanted more for a better chance. So my mood is pretty grim. Except for when 6 comes to love on me and lick my nose and chin. That makes my heart pretty happy.
We're going ahead with the 2 day transfer.
UPDATE:
Had Acupuncture today. Gonna have it Monday too. Tomorrow...transfer day...
Friday, September 12, 2008
CD14/SD14/LD16/ Retrieval Day-IVF#4
Went very well. Less pain than last time.
Less blood than last time.
More eggs than last time! 7!!
Lucky 7!
Guess it's not moo any more!
Bok bok.
Ok going back to bed. See ya later.
Less blood than last time.
More eggs than last time! 7!!
Lucky 7!
Guess it's not moo any more!
Bok bok.
Ok going back to bed. See ya later.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
CD14/SD14/LD16-IVF#4
Well, 'tis the night before. We are at B.I.L.'s house again since it's such an early call. not much to tell, since nothing is really going on. I plan on bringing my laptop with me to the procedure tomorrow, hoping to do a blow by blow as long as they let me have my computer.
Other than that, I was thinking that there should be some kind of bumper sticker. "Back off! I'M ON LUPRON!" Something along those lines.
OK. I'm off. See y'all later!!
Moo!
Other than that, I was thinking that there should be some kind of bumper sticker. "Back off! I'M ON LUPRON!" Something along those lines.
OK. I'm off. See y'all later!!
Moo!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
CD13/SD13/LD15-IVF#4
Well, I trigger tonight. Last shot for a while. Yay!!
So one of my dilemmas I have over the 2 day transfer is the embie is really not supposed to arrive at the uterus until 5 days after fertilization. The egg gets fertilized in the fallopian tube and takes 5 days to travel down set up camp in the uterus. So putting them in there at 2 days is a lot like moving into a house before it's ready. You can do it but it won't be comfortable and if you have any kind of problems it could be disastrous. I don't know. It's all they used to do...I just don't know. More thinking....
My head hurts. I'm gonna go lie down and watch TV. See ya!
So one of my dilemmas I have over the 2 day transfer is the embie is really not supposed to arrive at the uterus until 5 days after fertilization. The egg gets fertilized in the fallopian tube and takes 5 days to travel down set up camp in the uterus. So putting them in there at 2 days is a lot like moving into a house before it's ready. You can do it but it won't be comfortable and if you have any kind of problems it could be disastrous. I don't know. It's all they used to do...I just don't know. More thinking....
My head hurts. I'm gonna go lie down and watch TV. See ya!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
CD12/SD12/LD14-IVF#4
Ok. So the schedule is...
Wednesday 10.30 pm we trigger.
Friday 9.30 am is the retrieval.
Now, the interesting part is one of the doctors there called and asked if I was interested in being apart of a study. They want to do a 2 day transfer rather than a 3 day transfer. It seems there is no significant difference in the numbers. My dr says he has no preference either way. That this idea is nothing new, they used to only do 2 day transfers from like 1979-1992 or something. But the medium they developed the embryos in has gotten better so they switched to 3 day. Here is something I found online:
"It is concluded that the outcomes of embryo transfer in terms of implantation and pregnancy rates are comparable for day 2 and day 3 embryos, although the overall embryo quality score decreases when embryos are kept in culture till day 3." - http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/16/3/476
They gave me some stuff to read too but I'm not about to scan it and throw it up here lol. One study is from UCSF, and one from Turkey.
We haven't decided what to do. The numbers look like the womb does a better job of taking care of an embryo, but implantation rates are about the same. So...I dunno. You have any thoughts? Heard anything?
Oh yeah, and my lining is thin...they have me on Estradiol...so hopefully that works.
You know what, I haven't been spotting all that much, wonder if that's why, my lining is thin...interesting.
Wednesday 10.30 pm we trigger.
Friday 9.30 am is the retrieval.
Now, the interesting part is one of the doctors there called and asked if I was interested in being apart of a study. They want to do a 2 day transfer rather than a 3 day transfer. It seems there is no significant difference in the numbers. My dr says he has no preference either way. That this idea is nothing new, they used to only do 2 day transfers from like 1979-1992 or something. But the medium they developed the embryos in has gotten better so they switched to 3 day. Here is something I found online:
"It is concluded that the outcomes of embryo transfer in terms of implantation and pregnancy rates are comparable for day 2 and day 3 embryos, although the overall embryo quality score decreases when embryos are kept in culture till day 3." - http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/16/3/476
They gave me some stuff to read too but I'm not about to scan it and throw it up here lol. One study is from UCSF, and one from Turkey.
We haven't decided what to do. The numbers look like the womb does a better job of taking care of an embryo, but implantation rates are about the same. So...I dunno. You have any thoughts? Heard anything?
Oh yeah, and my lining is thin...they have me on Estradiol...so hopefully that works.
You know what, I haven't been spotting all that much, wonder if that's why, my lining is thin...interesting.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
CD10/SD10/LD12-IVF#4
I don't really have anything to write about today. Tomorrow is another ultrasound and I suppose we'll determine when to trigger. Then you know the drill. I expect that the retrieval will go about the same as last time. Hopefully I won't be leaking body fluids like last time and I won't be in as much pain as last time. They'll drain the endos like last time so that probably makes the two previous wishes a moot point. (Or as Joey says, "A moo point. It's like a cow's opinion, it doesn't matter, it's moo.")
That cracks me up every time lololol!
Anyway, hopefully it will work unlike last time. I would just feel a lot better if they had the spotting under control. It's just fucked up, ya know?
Well after some consideration and my poor response I don't think the flare protocol is right for me. Of course I'm not sure what is at this point.
Well, I think that's all I got for now. See ya later.
Moo.
That cracks me up every time lololol!
Anyway, hopefully it will work unlike last time. I would just feel a lot better if they had the spotting under control. It's just fucked up, ya know?
Well after some consideration and my poor response I don't think the flare protocol is right for me. Of course I'm not sure what is at this point.
Well, I think that's all I got for now. See ya later.
Moo.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
CD9/SD9/LD11-IVF#4
I went looking for legislation on infertility being treated like any other disease by insurance companies. I found this website. Obviously that is important to me especially as my insurance coverage rapidly comes to and end, and with it my hopes of having a biological child. Will you take a moment and check out the information below? Thanks.
I found some information on this website: Resolve
**********************************************************************************************************
https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=132
**********************************************************************************************************
https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=159
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Here is a link to the Bill:
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h110-2892&tab=summary
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Some reading for friends and family about infertility:
fact_sheet_6_family_and_friends
The ADA recognizes infertility, why don't the insurance companies? They claim having children is a lifestyle choice? Well it is not my lifestyle choice to be childless...Anyway, I'll get off my soap box for now...but only because I'm tired.
Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to check this out.
I found some information on this website: Resolve
**********************************************************************************************************
Contact your senator about Supporting Coverage of Infertility Treatment:
https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=132
**********************************************************************************************************
Contact your representative about Supporting HR2892--Infertility Treatment Coverage Legislation:
https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=159
**********************************************************************************************************
Here is a link to the Bill:
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h110-2892&tab=summary
**********************************************************************************************************
Some reading for friends and family about infertility:
fact_sheet_6_family_and_friends
The ADA recognizes infertility, why don't the insurance companies? They claim having children is a lifestyle choice? Well it is not my lifestyle choice to be childless...Anyway, I'll get off my soap box for now...but only because I'm tired.
Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to check this out.
Friday, September 5, 2008
CD8/SD8/LD10-IVF#4
One.
It's the loneliest number. Is a singular sensation. It's the beginning. It's the last. All it takes is one.
On Tuesday, I went in for the Day 5 ultrasound. Disappointing. Only like 2 follies, unless you wanna count the endos. Lining was thin. Well it's early, Dr. not worried. Blah, Blah, Blah.
I ask about the spotting. Why no one is worried but me. What it comes down to is, it may or may not be the hydrosalpinx. He is concerned about it, but, "We'll see." What that translates to in my mind? We don't know. If they have to remove it, he thinks it will take a specialist because there is probably a lot of scar tissue. Boy, when I over achieve I really over achieve. Why couldn't have been in something good...like school, or athletics or almost anything else? So I figure as long as they are in there, would removing the endometreomas help? Two for the price of one.
I went back today. On my 90+ minute ride, instead of listening to my audio book, my mood required music. Angry music. Thank you Lupron. So I have created a "Lupron Listening List"!
Lupron Listening List
- Metalica - Enter Sandman
- Pink - U and U'r Hand
- Audioslave - Show Me How to Live
- Audioslave - Cochise
- Audioslave- Like a Stone
- Alice in Chains - Man in the Box
- 30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill
- Maroon 5 - Wake Up Call
- Joss Stone - Put Your Hands on Me
- Salmon - Falling, Giving, Being
- Fall Out Boy - This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race
- Fall Out Boy - Sugar We're Going Down
- Fall Out Boy - Thanks for the Memories
- Pussy Cat Dolls - Buttons
- Nine Inch Nails - Closer
- Robin Thicke - When I Get You Alone
- Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl
- Jennifer Paige - Crush
- No Doubt - Just a Girl
- Evanescence - Bring Me to Life
- P.O.D. - Boom
- ABC - Poison Arrow
- Miranda Lambert - Gunpowder and Lead
OK, some of these aren't angry, I put them in there just because I like them and they are fun to sing in the car...LOUDLY! There are probably more to add but that is all I could get through on the ol' iPod today. What are some of your Lupron Songs?
I had another ultrasound today. Same thing. Lining is looking much better than last time. That's something I guess. Only really two follies but there may be more, we'll see on Monday when I go back for yet another violation. We may end up triggering on Wednesday. I was so very disappointed after that appointment. My heart ached.
Earlier in the week I was feeling defeated. I was like, this is never gonna happen. Why am I even bothering. Then we went to a public event and this little boy ran past us. He was so cute! He looked like what I picture our kids would look like. I watched him go to his parents and sure enough they were very similar to what we looked like. My heart kicked back in. THAT'S WHY WE'RE DOING THIS!! I want one like that!! My heart longed for it. Then the disappointing dr.'s visits. Why hope? When it's just gonna be eviscerated and it's naivete hung out for everyone to laugh at? It's cruel.
So, Tuesday after the first ultrasound, I returned my bf's call, and threatened to throw my Motorola earpiece out of the car and run it over because it sucks. (It really does. I may be hormonal but I'm not wrong!) She laughed at me, "How's that Lupron working out for you?"
"Well apparently it sucks. There are only two follies so far. I'm really disappointed."
"It only takes one!"
That got me thinking. It only takes one...
It only takes...
One vote to win a nomination or an election.
One voice start a revolution.
One person to save a life.
One injection...
One knife...
One bullet...
One misunderstanding...
One idea...
One dream...
One embryo...
One is a powerful number. It's not my favorite number. Right now I hate it. It feels like it's standing in my way. Am I, One person, strong enough to knock it down? I don't know. I don't even dare say I hope so. Hmmm...One Hope.
I know this post is all very scattered, but that is the order of my one head.
Monday, September 1, 2008
CD4/SD4/LD6-IVF#4
To all you other IVF folk out there, I have questions for you.
I saw a video blog of someone giving themselves injections of their meds. It looked to me like they were using an intramuscular needle for their stims and such ( I could be wrong, but the needle looked big). I have only ever used the subcutaneous. How about you? What size needles are you using? Do you know of any benefits (other than the obvious, OUCH!) to using one over the other?
[gallery]
What about anti-rejection drugs? I know that if you do ICSI or Assisted Hatching you get one. Have you heard of one that make your womb "stickier"? What protocols are you on? If you were successful what worked for you?
What say you!
I saw a video blog of someone giving themselves injections of their meds. It looked to me like they were using an intramuscular needle for their stims and such ( I could be wrong, but the needle looked big). I have only ever used the subcutaneous. How about you? What size needles are you using? Do you know of any benefits (other than the obvious, OUCH!) to using one over the other?
[gallery]
What about anti-rejection drugs? I know that if you do ICSI or Assisted Hatching you get one. Have you heard of one that make your womb "stickier"? What protocols are you on? If you were successful what worked for you?
What say you!
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