4DP3DT

A.M. Thoughts

I woke this morning with more cramping and spotting heavier than I would have liked to see.  It didn't look like new blood (I know TMI) which makes me feel a micro bit better.  But, it feels a lot like AF showing up.  Looks a lot like it too.  I have the same thing happen right before it shows, like a few days before.  I guess the most optimistic thing I can say about it is, the sooner my period starts the sooner we can start on the next cycle.  Sound like I've given up?  I think I have.  Why would it work this time?  Hasn't the other two times.  I know I'm emotional, hormonal and not the most rational right now, but what I think is at the root of it is, if it doesn't happen this year, it won't happen.  The insurance is gone.  The money is gone.  It's over.  I guess I must have been a really evil person in a past life or maybe this one because it seems someone feels I'm not deserving of a child, which is so unfair to the man, and I'm so sorry for that.

Well, I have to go administer the progesterone, although I feel like, "What's the point?"

Afternoon Thoughts:

Spotting stopped...that's good...probably.  Achy back, still in a mood though.  Talked to Best Friend, she cheered me up as always.

P.M. Thoughts:

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I ate too much!