ENDOMETRIOSIS.
No, I take that back. SEVERE ENDOMETRIOSIS.
The Cliff's Notes version is, the doctor got in there and it was like an endometriosis bomb went off. They were all very surprised. It's bad when your dr is surprised. So one of my tubes he couldn't work on, he took the other one out. My bowels were, "all over the place". I have no idea what that means. I have to go back in at the end of January to have my appendix removed because of all the endo and the other tube removed. God knows what else. I'll ask at my post op appointment.
I got out of surgery and the nurse says, "We're gonna take you to you room now."
"Room?"
"Yes you'll be our guest for the night."
"I'm supposed to go home."
Nurse says to someone, "Can you go get her hubs?"
Hubs shows and looks a mess. Geeze what the fuck happened?
Finally I get some explanation. (see above) So, I was treated to a night of excellent care at Stanford Hospital. I highly recommend it...if you have to stay.
So, I'm down for a bit longer than I expected...this is gonna make school nearly impossible... :-(
Oh, guess what some of the symptoms are?
"Other common symptoms are abnormal uterine bleeding, spotting prior to periods, and infertility."
Hm.
Let's see, the insurance runs out at the end of January so IVF will have to be out of pocket...you remember how much out of pocket is, right?
In other news: They are selling the townhouse we are living in so we may have to move. *sigh*
Anyone else wanna take a pot shot?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.
The fun begins tomorrow...
12.30 pm start liquid diet
3.00 pm first clense
7.00 pm second clense
12.30 am nothing more by mouth
7.30 am check in
9.30 am surgery.
Want to know what happens starting yesterday? How about a brush with my own mortality. Yes I know it's not rational, but since when is fear rational. Yes I'm afraid. IT'S FREAKING SURGERY!! I don't care how routine surgery is, there is alway an chance of complications. It happened to a friend of mine. She went in, didn't come out. Now, her case was nothing like mine, but again, fear is not rational.
I weighed my family, my friends, my compodres online. Who would tell them if something happened to me. The man said he would...if he could figure it out. LOL. Did I have things I wanted people to have? Were there things I didn't want people to know? Who would the kitties sleep with? Fear is not rational.
We went to see The Secret Life of Bees Saturday night. GREAT FREAKING MOVIE! There was one scene where they explain the image on the honey jars. I. Lost. It. It was all about strength in the face of fear. I thought I was going to have to run sobbing from the theatre because I was doing that loud, doubled over, someone killed my puppy sobbing, well, trying NOT to and failing. I finally got a grip, but I was fragile the rest of the movie and night. The images would float through my mind and I would well up again. The man wanted to discuss the movie and all I could do was turn in on my self, hide behind my hair and nod. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I went to bed, 3 hours later, I was still up, paralyzed by fear. No sleep, no peace. I had to put on a movie to distract myself enough to fall asleep. Fear is not rational, and no respector of persons or hour.
I don't know what else to say about this. I'm afraid. Logically I know it's ok. Emotionally I'm a mess. How does one assuge those fears? How do you tell yourself, it will all be ok? I just don't know. And this isn't even touching on the infertility fears. I'll be irrational about those when I'm through these.
I guess that's all I have to say. Maybe I'll blog tomorrow and bitch about being hungry. :-)
Night.
Veer Sharma
FEAR:
F--FALSE
E--EVIDENCE
A--APPEARING
R--REAL
Oscar Wilde
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
Eddie Rickenbacher
Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.
Channing Pollock
No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
12.30 pm start liquid diet
3.00 pm first clense
7.00 pm second clense
Tuesday
12.30 am nothing more by mouth
7.30 am check in
9.30 am surgery.
Want to know what happens starting yesterday? How about a brush with my own mortality. Yes I know it's not rational, but since when is fear rational. Yes I'm afraid. IT'S FREAKING SURGERY!! I don't care how routine surgery is, there is alway an chance of complications. It happened to a friend of mine. She went in, didn't come out. Now, her case was nothing like mine, but again, fear is not rational.
I weighed my family, my friends, my compodres online. Who would tell them if something happened to me. The man said he would...if he could figure it out. LOL. Did I have things I wanted people to have? Were there things I didn't want people to know? Who would the kitties sleep with? Fear is not rational.
We went to see The Secret Life of Bees Saturday night. GREAT FREAKING MOVIE! There was one scene where they explain the image on the honey jars. I. Lost. It. It was all about strength in the face of fear. I thought I was going to have to run sobbing from the theatre because I was doing that loud, doubled over, someone killed my puppy sobbing, well, trying NOT to and failing. I finally got a grip, but I was fragile the rest of the movie and night. The images would float through my mind and I would well up again. The man wanted to discuss the movie and all I could do was turn in on my self, hide behind my hair and nod. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I went to bed, 3 hours later, I was still up, paralyzed by fear. No sleep, no peace. I had to put on a movie to distract myself enough to fall asleep. Fear is not rational, and no respector of persons or hour.
I don't know what else to say about this. I'm afraid. Logically I know it's ok. Emotionally I'm a mess. How does one assuge those fears? How do you tell yourself, it will all be ok? I just don't know. And this isn't even touching on the infertility fears. I'll be irrational about those when I'm through these.
I guess that's all I have to say. Maybe I'll blog tomorrow and bitch about being hungry. :-)
Night.
Veer Sharma
FEAR:
F--FALSE
E--EVIDENCE
A--APPEARING
R--REAL
Oscar Wilde
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
Eddie Rickenbacher
Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.
Channing Pollock
No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
MMMBop Pre-op
MMMBop...bidi dapa doo wop
Doo bi dapa pre-op
Bidi dapa doo, yeah, yeah
MMMBop...bidi dapa doo wop
Doo bi dapa pre-op
Bidi dapa doo, yeah, yeah
[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2353677658182041713&ei=f0T1SOWZKoSKqQPfpc0B&hl=en]
Anywho party pooper...
Pre-op is Friday. I'll write more that night. I have a test I am determined NOT to fail on Thursday, so I will be studying for that until then.
Oh, and this is HYSTERICAL!!! CLICK ME.
Doo bi dapa pre-op
Bidi dapa doo, yeah, yeah
MMMBop...bidi dapa doo wop
Doo bi dapa pre-op
Bidi dapa doo, yeah, yeah
[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2353677658182041713&ei=f0T1SOWZKoSKqQPfpc0B&hl=en]
Bahahahahahahaahahahahaha!!!
The actual lyrics are oddly appropriate.. But,
Bahhahahahahahahhaaahaha!!
No? Too bad it cracked me up!
Anywho party pooper...
Pre-op is Friday. I'll write more that night. I have a test I am determined NOT to fail on Thursday, so I will be studying for that until then.
Oh, and this is HYSTERICAL!!! CLICK ME.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
A Letter to God...
BFN
(For those of you not paying attention, that's Big Fat Negative)
**************************************************************************************************************
Dear God,
Click on the link below to hear the song.
Audioslave - Show Me How to Live
In with the early dawn
Moving right along
I couldn’t buy an eye full of sleep
And in the aching night
Under sattelittes
I was not recieved
built with the stolen parts
A telephone in my heart
Someone get me a priest
To put my mind to bed
This ringing in my head
Is this a cure or is this a disease
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
In the afterbirth
On the quiet earth
Let the stains remind you
You thought you made a man
You better think again
Before my role defines you
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me a life
Now show me how to live
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
And in your waiting hands
I will land
And roll out of my skin
And in your final hours I will stand
Ready to begin
Ready to begin
Ready to begin
Ready to begin
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
Show me how to live
Show me how to live
Show me how to live
Show me how to live
DAMN RIGHT I'M FUCKING PISSED!!
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