CD4/SD4

I'm doing better today.  I called the RE Fellow on call this A.M. and she called in a prescription for me to help the migraine.  I think I love her.  I'm still not 100%, so I'm not gonna rant like I planned but I will bring up what had me astounded the other night.

Remember my mean little blind, knitting friend, the one who hits people with her cane?  Well, evidently she had company this weekend.  I'm not sure how it came up, but I get this email from her, she's on her cell phone, "I hate certain persons, especially when it comes to religion."  Uh oh.  Then I get an IM on Yahoo:

BKF:    I hate stupid people!!!
MWB:    oh no why?
BKF:    I have a fucker here pissing me off saying that you and pat need to adopt that you guys have no right
MWB:    no right to what
BKF:    I told him your God isn't right all the time look around fucker
BKF:    Ivf
MWB:    tell him when he gets elected god he can tell me what to do.
MWB:    what god didn’t make drs?
BKF:    Exactly
MWB:    self righteous bastard
MWB:    if he wants to live in the dark ages tell him to go find a nice third world country and kindly disappear and please don’t reproduce we don’t need any more narrow minded individuals in the world thank u
BKF:    I told him what if you were sterile and all your wife wanted was to have your baby
BKF:    He said then we'll adopt
MWB:    and that's a valid choice
MWB:    one we are not prepared to make yet
BKF:    I'm pissed off at narrow mindedness
MWB:    yeah
BKF:    I told him personally I've carried My Husband’s's babies and honestly if I couldn't I don't think I'd want to adopt
MWB:    does he have kids?
BKF:    No he's 30 and still a virgin
BKF:    Fucker
BKF:    I told Ed I didn't want him here this weekend
MWB:    tell his know it all ass to call me when he wants to have biological children and the possibility that he cant comes up
MWB:    tell him he should not speak of what he doesn't know
BKF:    He's got a whole idea of well it really wasn't meant to be thing
MWB:    mhmmm
MWB:    he ever been sick?
MWB:    ever been to a dr.
MWB:    had surgery
MWB:    fixed a car
BKF:    I.said I want to here from your future wife
BKF:    He's stupid totally stupid
MWB:    yup
BKF:    He's the one that landed the jet ski on the back of our boat and luckily the two in the back caught it and jumped otherwise they would’ve been hurt or dead
MWB:    idiot
BKF:    You know I'm all about what goes around comes around
BKF:    Hmmmmm I wonder what's coming around for him
MWB:    no one will marry him
MWB:    he'll die a virgin
BKF:    That's what I'm thinking too
BKF:    I love you you have the same mentality as me
BKF:    Are we broken or is it the world?
MWB:    the world


I fully expect by this point she has beaten him around the head and shoulders with her cane. *snicker*  Today the moron apparently did something else to piss her off involving her own kids.  Her husband is not happy either.  I'm guessing, he will never get an invitation back.  HAHA!

In other news, the shots are going OK.  Menopur still stings so I do that one first.  I'll see if I can manage to record myself mixing tomorrow so you can see.  I go in tomorrow so they can have a look at my follies.  Day 5 and all.  So we will see how they are developing.  I'm feeling a little full, bloated around my ovaries so my guess is they are growing or my insides are just swollen, which happens to me too.  I'm hoping for Type A follies!

Ok, that's all I got.  Thanks again to everyone for the great comments!  I really appreciate the well wishes and positive thoughts!

CD3/SD3

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="410" caption="MRI of Migraine"][/caption]

I had a whole big rant scheduled for this post but alas, a migraine has taken the wind out of my self righteous sails.  So rather than get my rant on, I'm gonna go get my migraine fight on.  My migraines are hormone based so I am not that surprised.  So did I plan ahead and call any of my many doctors to get a solution for it?  Of course not.  It was always, next time,  or later.  Well, that's what I get for procrastinating.  I guess I'll call them tomorrow.  I think I'll call the RE since they know what they want in my system and what they don't.  So, hopefully, I will be much better tomorrow and ready to rant about ignorant people.

CD2/SD2

Cramps from Hell - Looks like a duck.

Fatigue from Hell - Quacks like a duck.

Must be a duck.

Ergo - I'm in Hell!

So the Menopur didn't really sting this time so it must have been operator error; stabbed myself in the wrong place.  (Stab Stab - That's for you Sci!)

When I wasn't sleeping I was having an OK day.  So, that was good.  But the later it got, the more tired I got, probably the more hormonal I got, the more doubt and fear slipped in.  Mainly, what if it doesn't work?  BIG FEAR!  For a couple good reasons I don't have the emotional where-with-all to go into right now.  I know, I'm hormonal, moody and tired.

It. Will. Be.  Fine.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Ok, enough of that...here's a funny story.

I have this friend, we actually met on-line.  She's legally blind.  When we go out together, I don't let her take her cane with her.  No, I am not sadistic or mean!  I have self preservation skills!  She likes to hit people with her cane.  And unless I am on Lupron, I a not up for fighting fools!  This is one of the reasons I like her so much, actually.  (This is important to the story, I swear.) We met on a knitting forum.  She knits the most amazing stuff.  Stuff I can't do and I can see fine!  She asked me what knitted stuff I wanted for the baby.  I said everything.  All their clothes should be knit!  Well, that should use up about a quarter of her yarn stash.  That is no joke!  Anyway we were on-line last night yakin' it up.

Knitting Friend: "So are we going to the knitting convention in February?"

OK don't laugh we try to go every year.  It's fun.

Me:  "Planning on it...Oh wait, I should be VERY pregnant by then."  I do the math.  "Oh yeah, it should be fine."

Knitting Friend: "Can you see it now?  Me with my cane, pushing your too pregnant ass in a wheel chair?!!"

Hysterical laughter ensues.

I tell the man about the conversation.  More hysterical laughter, "I WOULD go to see that!"

Cue more laughter!

On that note, I guess I'm out.

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Cycle Day 1/Stimulant Day 1 (CD1/SD1)

Tah Dah!!!!.  All went well at the doc today.  I hurled my questions at her like they were the last words that would ever leave my lips and she answered each one with out batting an eye.  I like that.  She assuaged all, well a lot of my fears and said my size 1 cyst was on the outside of my ovary so she could give a crap about it.   Yay me!  BUT!  She wanted to make sure so she sent me for a blood test to check my Estradiol Level.  They wanted it under 60.  Woot!!! I was.  What was it?  Click here----> X *snicker*

Anyway, I didn't get the number until I got home later and she said to go ahead and start the stims.  So what are the stims and how much am I taking?

Follistim - 425 IU:  This is a problem because the vials the pharmacy gave me are all 300 IU's, and you can only use one vial at a time, so you guessed it, I have to give myself at least 2 shots of this to get the right dosage.  Good thing it doesn't hurt, or at least I hit a spot that didn't hurt this time.  So what is the drug?

Follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) is a naturally occurring hormone. FSH is important in the development of follicles (eggs) produced by the ovaries. Follistim is a brand of follicle stimulating hormone.  Follistim is used to stimulate a follicle to develop and mature. It is used when a woman desires pregnancy and her ovaries can produce a follicle but hormonal stimulation is not sufficient to make the follicle mature. Follistim is also used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs for in vitro fertilization.

[wp_caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="275" caption="Follistim Pen and Cartridge"][/wp_caption]

Menepure - 150 IU:  The vials come in 75 IU's so I have to mix them with a regular syringe to get the right amount, so only one shot!  This one stung a bit though... I wonder if it was my ineptitude or the drug actually stings.  I guess I'll find out tomorrow.  Anyway...ONE SHOT!! Woot!   What is this drug?

Menotropins are an equal mixture of the naturally occurring follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH). FSH and LH are important for the development of follicles (eggs) produced by the ovaries. Menotropins are used to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg) when a woman's ovaries can produce a follicle but hormonal stimulation is deficient. Menotropins are also used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs for in vitro fertilization.

[wp_caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="250" caption="Menopur"][/wp_caption]

I'll make a video of me prepping the shots so you can see what I mean.  Do you want to see me give my self the injection as well?  Let me know.

Bottom line?  They help me produce many eggs.  Essentially...I'm a chicken...

[wp_caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="177" caption="Black Hen on Eggs"][/wp_caption]

Hahahahaha get it?  Get it?  Black hen...eggs...no?  Geeze you guys suck!

Cycle Day 23

To obsess or not to obsess...Well, it's me so of course it's to obsess.  What's my latest bent?  Well 3-Day versus 5-Day transfer.  I'm debating with myself over how technical to get about this...hmmmm.  Fuck it.  I'll just see where it leads me.  As I understand it, if the fertilized eggs make it to good grade (1 or 2), and 8 cells by day 3, they will transfer it to another medium to grow to blastoycyst stage.

Numeric grading systems for multicell embryos usually have 4 levels:

Grade 1: even cell division, no fragmentation
Grade 2: even cell division, small fragmentation
Grade 3: uneven cell division, moderate fragmentation
Grade 4: uneven cell division, excessive fragmentation

Article by T. Timothy Smith, MD IVF Timetable and Embryo Grading

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="360" caption="3-Day 8 Cell Embryo"][/wp_caption]

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="360" caption="5-Day Blastocyst"][/wp_caption]

My question is, what if the cells don't make it to 8 by day 3 and they decide to transfer on day 3 anyway, who's to say that they would develop any further in my uterus?  The fertilized egg doesn't usually make it to the uterus until day 5.  On day 3 they are still in the fallopian tube.  So does putting them in a place they are not supposed to be in for another couple of days risk the eggs?  If you keep them in the new medium, which is more like a fallopian tube environment for the 5 day transfer, does it give you better odds?  If they are not developing after 3 days doesn't it mean that there is a genetic problem?  Is transferring them on day 3 just taking the emotional responsibility off the RE?  The embies don't make it to day 5 so the couple screams, "Your lab screwed up my embryos!!"  Or are they in a back room somewhere shaking their collective heads at the poorly developed cells snickering, "Well, lets just transfer them since they aren't gonna make it anyway that way she will think it's her fault and not ours."  Is the reason they predominately do a 3 Day transfer because of insurance companies.  Does the extra expense and time it takes to nurture to the blast stage make it a financial decision rather than a scientific one?  Are they too large a clinic for them to bring it to blast effectively because they do so many procedures?  I told you I was obsessing.

My next not so heated obsess?  Well I guess it's not really an obsess more of a query.  Why didn't they put me on Lupron this cycle?  Curious...

My third obsess, Assisted Hatching.  To hatch or not to hatch?  What is it?  The embryo is first placed in a petrie dish containing culture solution. A special pipette is then used to hold the embryo in place. The embryologist takes a hollow needle that contains an acidic solution and places it next to the zona pellicuda. A tiny bit of this acidic solution is released from the needle so that it comes into contact with the zona pellicuda. ( I understand they are beginning to use lasers, too)  This acidic solution begins to slowly digest the protective layering, creating a small hole. The embryo is then washed in a special solution and placed back inside an incubator until the embryo transfer can take place. It seems to me if assisted hatching increases pregnancy rates why wouldn't you do it all the time?

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="360" caption="Assisted Hatching"][/wp_caption]

[wp_caption id="" align="alignnone" width="350" caption="Hatched Blast - Go little blast GO!!!"][/wp_caption]

I was reading about the reasons to do assisted hatching:

1. Where the woman is over a certain age (37 ick!).  --OK. That's me...


2. Egg quality and quantity.  Where the woman's FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone: 1- Hormone produced by the pituitary gland responsible for stimulating the growth of the follicle that surrounds the egg. FSH on CD3 of menstrual cycle is important in evaluating ovarian reserve.) hormone is high.  --Not sure about that, I think mine was.


3. The Z factor.  Where the Zona Pellucida (the outer covering of the egg...the shell) is thick.  --I have no idea...


4. Previous failed IVF attemps. --This is IVF #3

So, when I checked my paperwork, they don't have me down for assisted hatching.  WELL WHY THE FUCK NOT!!!  The poor doctor is soooooooo gonna get an ear full from me tomorrow.

Last obsess, what if they don't like the size of my size 1 follicle?  I have never been a size 1 anything...maybe shoe...Now, I'm complaining because I have something that is a size 1 and it too freaking big.  How wrong is that!!!!!  This is not going to be a very good night...

In other related news...you notice we are on Cycle Day 23 and Cycle Day 1 again...I'm tired, crampy, headachy...but no CD1.  Maybe tomorrow.

I was just re-reading this post and can you please add PMS to my "In other related news" list?  Sheesh...maybe it's a good thing I'm not on Lupron.  I might start killing fools.  The doctor was probably afraid for his life!

Cycle Day 22

Although, I'm really mostly posting about Cycle Day 17...AKA...HYSTEROSCOPY DAY!! *cue fanfare*

Ok, so the day starts ok.  I'm all packed for my weekend camping trip, we pack the car and head to the RE's office.  We're due for a 12:00 Check in for a 1:00pm procedure.  We are about half way there at 11:00am when I get a call on my cell phone.

"This is the RE's office, may I speak to MWB (Mommie Wanna Be) please?"

"This is she..."

"Hi, we have you scheduled for an 11:00am procedure with a 10:00am check in and you're not here."

"No, you have me scheduled for a 1:00pm procedure with a 12 Noon check in."

"Where did you get that information?"  I kid you NOT that is what the bitch said to me.

Getting up on my high horse, "On the paper work YOU gave me."

"I see.  Can you give me a minute to check on that?  Oh wait, can I just call you back?"

"Sure thing."  I hang up the phone turn to the man and repeat the conversation.  His face is blank.  I know what he is thinking, How will this affect my camping trip? Next I pull up my computer and look at the scanned document.  Yep 12 noon.  Shortly there after, I get a call back.

"You're saying no one called you to reschedule your time?"  Like I'm lying!!!  You do understand you can't eat or drink at all before the procedure... wouldn't I want to move it up so I could eat before 3PM???!!!

"Yes.  No one called me.  I got no messages."

"Hmmm...OK.  Well why don't you come in at the regularly scheduled time."  Like she's doing me a favor!!!

"Yes that will be fine."

A little while later at the RE's office...

BFF, "So you never got a phone call?"

"No.  Not a one.  Not a message or anything."

"That's odd, because she said she spoke to you."

WHAT LYING BITCH SAID THAT!!!!! "No.  She is mistaken.  She must have talked with someone else.  I mean doesn't it make sense I'd want to come in earlier for this?  It's not like it's any inconvenience."

BFF looks sceptical, I'm not sure if it's she doesn't believe me or she has concerns about whoever the lying bitch is who SAID she talked to me.  "Yeah it does."

"Maybe she just THINKS she talked to me because she misses me so much."  I quip.

BFF laughs.  Later I find out they are having a BBQ.  Probably why they wanted to reschedule so badly.  She must have lied to clear the books.  To hell with the worried woman on an IVF schedule because she is infertile and may never have her own biological child.  Bitch.

Later after the intake and instructions, I am in the preop room where they have to give me an IV.  Well, boys and girls, lesson one, if you have not eaten or had anything to drink all that day, you are dehydrated and it makes finding a vein very, very, very, very hard.  Yes I used four very's.  Why?  Because they tried to impale me FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES IN FOUR DIFFERENT PLACES!!!  Good thing I'm not afraid of needles and am a good sport!  They started out on my left hand, and didn't just poke and run, they had to wiggle it around in there awhile before they decided it wouldn't do.  Then they moved to my left wrist where they repeat the process.  Next moving to my right arm, not even at the elbow, lower on the sensitive part where they had so much fun the first two times they repeat it.  Yes there were two nurses.  Then finally my right hand where they did it all over again.  It took them over 30 minutes to get a vein!!!!  I won't lie.  Hurt like fuck!!  You can see my right hand was already starting to swell...



They get the IV in me and start an Advil like drug that is long acting like 8 hours to help with the cramping later in case I have some...in case I have some...in case I have some... *shakes head*

I walk into the OR and have to put my legs in some medieval torture device to keep them apart for the lookie loo.  Totally humiliating.

The doctor comes in and she looks like an extra for Grey's Anatomy.  Unbelievable.  Insult to injury.  We do the ultrasound first, she spies my cysts.  Looks a bit concerned so I start asking questions.  What do you see?  Every thing ok?

"You have a couple of large follicles."

"Yeah I know."

"How big were they?"

"Don't remember." heh "How big are they now?"

"About 1."

"Oh cool!  They were over 4!"

"OH Good!!  They are going down then!  Good!"

Next we prep for the Hysteroscopy.  Lemme break it down for ya.  Essentially, they take a camera and a hose, shove it up your hoohoo, and turn your uterus into a water balloon and take pictures of the experience.  Cramping?  Yes.  They were really good about it too.  "No need for you to suffer.  If your in pain tell us!"

"PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!"

"That a girl!"  Nurse pushes more drugs.

Goooooood nurse!  I forgive you for turning me into a human voodoo doll.

So looking around my uterus, all looks clean.  Geeze, should be...

Back in the recovery room, they give me some apple juice and Graham crackers for being a good little pin cushion/water balloon and wait for my blood pressure and heart rate to go down before letting me go.

Conclusion?  I have to go back Thursday for an ultrasound to make sure the cysts are still shrinking.  I hope they are...I'm not convinced.  But if that goes well, then it will be Stim Day 1.

OMG!!  FIREFOX TOTALLY CRASHED ON ME AND I THOUGHT I LOST THE WHOLE POST!!!  FUCKTARDS!

Anywho...instead of posting them here, I'll link you to where all the pics of my hands and stuff are if you want to see the swelling a bruising.  My advice to you, if you ever have to do anything like this where you need an IV, and you can't eat or drink for a long time before hand, drink like a fish the day before so you stay hydrated and they can find your veins.  The nurse told me that.  Wish I'd have known that sooner...

IV Infamy

Saturday I was the last day of the birth control pills so somewhere around the 9th should be CD1 all over again.  We shall see.  Other than that, that's all I have to say!

Thanks again to everyone with their comments and tales, I really appreciated it.

Would I go camping after something like that again?  HELL to the NO!!.  I was a mess Friday.  Got up decided I needed a do over, went back to bed and got up again.  Saturday, the day we are supposed to go to the river, I wake up with a migraine!!!  I can not thank "D" enough for sharing her drugs with me.  If she hadn't I would have ended up in an ER for sure.  I had NOTHING strong enough for it.  God bless that woman!!!!  And never go camping in a confined space with someone who snores!  Well I'm just FULL of advice today!!  Anyway.  Don't do it.  It's more trouble than it's worth.  Your tired, achy and there is no real bathroom, or Internet connection.  Bad deal.  ;-)

Stay tuned for more exciting tales...

Cycle Day 16

I'm Back!  Miss me?  No?  Too bad.  Well we were out of town for a couple of days and while we were out of town, kissin' and huggin' on family, one of the bastards gave me a sore throat so I haven't felt up to blogging.  But now, I'm back.  Just in time to go away for another couple of days.  LOL.

The nurse called me back and told me they did a TSH on me and everything was where it should be.  Honestly that bums me out because it would have explained so many things.  Oh well.  She also said that the dr had me on a pretty high dose of stimulants.  So, maybe that will fix...something.  She also said that camping shouldn't be a problem.  She was a little concerned about floating down the river after having to dilate my cervix, but it should go back to normal before then.  I also need to stay out of the sun while I am on the antibiotic (which I hope will help clear up the sore throat).

Monday, we went to the IVF Orientation and Injection Training class.  It was mostly been there done that.  Except I had some different meds, so I wanted to be clear on those.  SOMEONE, was impatient and didn't want to stay.  He felt like he'd been there done that, I don't have to give you any injections, why do I have to be here?   I said fine, leave.  I'll walk home.  He laughed.  I was not amused.  At.  All.  Other than that, the class went well.  We need to stop by the pharmacy that gave me my drugs to pick up some Q*Caps that they took out of the box.  "Well most people don't get training on it so we take it out."  I think she has been sampling some of products she's been selling.  So we'll leave a little earlier and do that before hand.

I have a Talisman or Amulet.  I will take it with me to all my procedures.  I'm really happy about that.  Those of you who know my other identity, I will blog about it there.  Anyway it's a carved stone horse.  It's beautiful, perfect and given with absolute love.  So I know it will help!

Tomorrow I go in for the Hysteroscopy.  Am I nervous?  No.  But, if it does turn operative, then camping is out.  Which will bug me because I just spent 90 minutes packing.  I could have been sleeping!!!  HAHAHAHAHAAHA.  Yes, I am bringing my computer with me camping.  So, I may blog while I'm there and post when I get back.    Which reminds me, I need to find some movies to bring with me...It is a VERY.  LONG.  DRIVE.  Like 7 hours if we hit no traffic.    Fortunately we are taking the Mystery Machine and there is a bed in the back (which is why we are taking it, no tents) so while I am all drugged up, I can be in the back snoozin'.  I love that idea.  I also have a couple of audio books as well as regular books.  I should be good.

I was thinking the other day that maybe creating this blog wasn't the best idea.  I mean what if this round doesn't work.  Then everyone will know rather than just the two of us.  Very scary.  Not that I don't love my friends and family, but...I'm not one to share pain.  So, if the worst happens, don't take it personally if I don't want to talk.

Also, thanks to everyone for your comments.  They made me feel a bunch better.  I just want to do everything right, you know...of course you do.  And those of you who have been through it or are going through it or are about to go through it, you totally feel me!  So, that's it until later.  Wish me luck tomorrow!