Cycle Day 4

Well, the BIG deal on cycle day 4? I start birth controls pills! Because, of course, you wanna take birth control pills when you're trying to get pregnant!

OK, Explanation. You take the pills so the RE had control over your cycle. They know exactly when everything is supposed to happen. Capiche?

I decide to stay indoors most of today because it's hot. How hot? Like, Africa Hot! I kid you not, it was 109 degrees! One oh freaking 9!!! I should have gone first thing in the morning. I am not bright.

I gather my library books I need to return to the library and the rest of my junk and hit my car, which inside is like 306 degrees. Air conditioner full blast, Check! iPod, Check! *sings happily to Billy Joel's Oh What a Night* QUIT JUDGING ME!!! Off I go.

Again I have the parking karma, and find a spot in front of the library, go in return my books. Then pick up the audio books I have on hold. One of which is 27 hours long!!! And you though I was long winded! HA! Then she shows me these "Take Away" books. They are like mini mp3 players with one book on them. You check them out. All you provide is the batteries and headphones. Very cool!

Me: "Very cool!"

She: "Yeah every thing is getting smaller...except me."

Me: "Bwahahahahahahahahahahaahaahahahaha. Please honey, let's not go there today. It's too damn hot!"

She: Smiles brightly and walks away.

Today's lesson? I want to work at the library in town. Every time I go there, people are nice to me, give me books and make me laugh.

Ok, off to 7-11. Yes I said 7-11. Why? Remember my slushie love? Well I needed another one. They had a whole bank of machines! Like 12 fountains!! 3 of them worked! LOL. Hot day today! The three flavors they had were blue, ( not sure what flavor that is), Jolly Rancher Green Apple, ( my next conquest methinks) and Pepsi. BEST $1.94 I ever spent on 40 oz. of slushie, Pepsi goodness! Mmmmmmmm... And yes I did drink the whole thing! *Slurp* Wait, I'm supposed to be giving up caffeine...does a Pepsi flavored slushie have caffeine? Oh well, too late now!

Next stop, pharmacy. Ok. Get out of the car and am hit by a mighty, 109 degree wind. Holy Mother of God!!! Get in the store, pick up the drugs and the woman behind the counter was not impressed by me...At. All. Not sure what I ever did to her, but whatever.

Girl: "The pharmacist would like to speak to you about this."

Me: Thinking, you have no idea about my world... Saying, "Why? It's just birth control isn't it?"

Girl: Looking at me like she might crack.

Me: "Taken it before...Take one pill, once a day, same time every day..."

Girl: Smiles, "Ok. It just says here on the paper..."

Me. Thinking, I probably just saved you some work and that's why your smiling. "Bye!"

I walk out of the store and I swear to you, the same damn, wind was waiting for me when I got out. Bastard.

So, docs have prescribed Desogen. Of course insurance says here, have the generic brand, Reclipsen. Whatever. Same stuff different packaging. Brown and unattractive.

From the patient information insert:

5. Other side effects
Other side effects may include nausea and vomiting, change in appetite, headache, nervousness, depression, dizziness, loss of scalp hair, rash, and vaginal infections.
If any of these side effects bother you, call your doctor or clinic.

IF THEY BOTHER YOU??!!???!!!!!!

BOTHER??!!!!

I don't know what to say to that? That's not even true. There is too much to say about that! I don't think I have enough space to blog about all that is wrong with #5. Who writes this shit?

Anyway...I then make a stop at a fast food place and get a small snack because my stomach has finally decided it wants something, and it must be salty. Then, I'm home, eating my salty snack, drinking my ginormus slushie, in my air conditions home. Don't be a hater!

Tonight I will take the big step of punching out the little white pill and swallowing it. I'm so excited!!!!! Not.

Oh yeah, and can I say it's STILL HOT!!!! 9.00 pm and it's 93 degrees! F*ck Me!

Cycle Day 3

UGH! What a day! So, as we all know, I had my scheduling appointment today. No biggie. I planned everything down to a T. Leave, go to the Drugstore and pick up drugs, go to lab have blood drawn, go to appointment find out the schedule of things to come. Everything was perfect until...I realized I miscalculated and should have left at 12 rather than 1.

As if that wasn't enough, I had a bout of stomach...something. Knocked me flat for like 20 minutes. I probably would have gotten out a lot sooner if that hadn't happened. I've had a stomach ache off and on all day now. Not to mention the cyst crap on top of the usual cycle symptoms. Being a girl SUCKS!

Anyway, I race around the house get out around 12.40 and drive like a bat out of hell. All the way to the light next to my street; here it went through like 7 cycles and never gave us a green. Ok, it wasn't 7, it was more like 2 or 3 but I was impatient and made a right turn out of a left turn lane. It all worked out, the gas station was that way, so I got some gas so I wouldn't run out on the way to my appointment.

Oh and did I mention it was 95 degrees when I left the house. WTF? Let's hear it for air conditioning.

So, on my way I hit two traffic jams. The first one...there was no reason for it. All the cars just stopped. STOPPED! Like all War of the Worlds, no power stopped. I guess people just forgot how to drive. Morons. The second people had to rubberneck. I HATE THAT!!!

I get to the super snooty college town where the drugstore and my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) are located. I drive slowly, looking for the store, and manage to not realize I was blocking an intersection, even though it was my green. But, I put the car in reverse and back up because I don't want to be THAT person. The light changes to red. I wait and it turns back to green, and I have forgotten to take the car out of reverse. Doy! The car behind me honks because I slowly start to roll backwards. Ooops! My bad! Sorry!

I make my way though the very pretty tree lined streets and find the drugstore. It was like thisbig. I was lucky I even SAW it! Then what do you think happened? Of course this little uppity town had like no parking...but today I had parking karma and found a space I could just pull into and didn't even have to parallel park on a busy two lane street! Yay me!!

I go in an pickup my drugs. Comes to like $360. I know! I was like,

"I thought you said my insurance covered this?"

"It does. You have REALLY good insurance! I had to do a double take. Quit your whining."

"Then why so much?"

She holds up the receipt. "Look you stupid twit!"

"HOLY MAN HOLE COVERS BATMAN!"

"I KNOW!"

"I'll shut up now."

"Good."

(OK,she wasn't mean like that but it was a better story...)

I paid $100 for one and $75 for the other...crazy. See pictures at the end of the post.

So I swipe the card, pay and then am escorted to secret back room where the pharmacist goes over my HUGE GROCERY BAG of drugs. DAYUM! Again, see pics at the end of the post because I can't figure out how to paste them individually.

After the consult I realized I had 20 minutes to get to my appointment. I race across the street get in the car and drive like a madwoman (well as fast as the little idyllic, tree lined streets would let me drive) to the RE's. I gather all my stuff (except for the blood work paperwork because I'm an ass) race up to the office and check in. The receptionist has gotten a nose ring (one of which I have) and the last time I was there we became BFF bonding over said nose rings. She was all excited she changed the stud and she managed to hurt herself a couple times since the last time it I saw her.

"Well, it happens." I smile.

"I know! I just realized, it's gonna happen! Get over it."

I like her.

She tells me I'm meeting with the financial coordinator and the nurse in the lab downstairs. This is when I kick myself for forgetting the paperwork for the blood tests. I sign in, meet with the FC and she's all, "You have REALLY GOOD INSURANCE! IT COVERS 100%! WILL YOU MARRY ME?" (again with the pics at the end of the post.)

"Yeah it is good. And no, I'm hitched but thanks for asking."

She leaves and the nurse comes in. Starts pulling out paperwork for my plan. We get to the hysteroscopy and I pull out the pics of my uterus. What? You don't carry pics of your uterus around with you? Oh. OK. Anywho....I tell her, I had one in March do I really need another? She takes the pics and says she'll check. Finally someone with a brain. I mean, I don't mind doing it if it is necessary, but if not, then why? I'm kinda bummed because that means the baseline ultrasounds which is now scheduled with the hysteroscopy are only done in the morning. *Cries* Might be worth it just not to have to drive up so early in the AM lol.

She gives me my schedule, (You guessed it...more pics)my Rx for birth control pills and sends me on my merry little way. Which isn't that far because I just have to go out to my car and get the paperwork for the vampires and go right back in...which I do.

The vamp is happy because I have no fear of needles, I let him pick whatever vein he wants and he does so with minimal pain. Two vials later, I'm out the door.

So, I begin to make my way home and look up at the thermometer in my car 103. 103 freaking degrees!! Global warming is here folks. Al and M. Night are right!! The earth is fighting back!

Then I realize I have a splitting headache. I look at the clock. It's 4.30 pm. I haven't eaten since 10.00 am. Yep that'll do it. I drop off the rx at my local pharmacy and drive to Taco Hell. I know. With a funny tummy...not a good idea. But damn if I am not addicted to those damn fruit freezes. Mango strawberry...mmmmmmmmmm...droooooools...I may need another one tomorrow. DON'T JUDGE!!

I get myself my slushie and some burrito thing, and decide to pick up my pills tomorrow. I have to go to the library anyway.

Once inside, I scarf my food and take some Tylenol and wait for my headache to subside. Which, it mostly does. So I cleaned the kitchen, which hasn't been cleaned in days because I've been sick. I could rant on this for days but I'll let it be...

Then I took pics of all this stuff for you. And that was CD3.

Pics for you! Click on the pic for...BIGGER pic lol.

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Well, that's all for now...

So what are they testing for? This!

UPDATE:   This cracked me up!!

Cycle Day 2

Well, not much happens on CD 2. Some clinics do the blood tests today. Mine does them on CD 3. Yesterday was also pretty bad on the discomfort scale. This cycle is knocking me on my ass. I have a feeling it's due to two reasons. One, that it's my first natural cycle after the D&C. I had one before this but it had to be induced with Provera. Second, the cyst. It is angry and fighting back. But, it's destiny is sealed. It will be banished.

I made the mistake of thinking I was all better and went to the grocery store, (because there is no food in the house lol) and it was too much for me. So when the nice checker man asked me if I wanted help out with my stuff, of course I said no, I can do it. I put my receipt in my purse and looked up at him. He was staring at me. "Are you sure?" because he clearly wasn't sure I could do it on my own. Geeze, what did I look like? Well that whole 4 year old thing kicked in, I can do it myself! So of course I said, ignoring my own pain, "No, I got it." I'm such an idiot.

So, I thought I'd share an online I Ching I did. I know I haven't shared much about my feelings on the whole IVF matter yet, but have no fear, I'm sure they will arise. This gave me a little more hope. (Click on the pictures for larger image.)

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So I'll try to keep my control issues in check. lol. But, that reading seemed really positive to me. I'm reading that right, right?

Apparently, the blood work was done through my primary care physician. So I need to request it from her. Mystery solved.

Tomorrow I go up for my appointment, get my blood drawn and pick up my medications. I need to get directions to the lab and to the pharmacy. I have no idea where it is. I need to go to the pharmacy first. I'm supposed to bring my meds in with me. I honestly hope I don't have to do the injection training, since I have already done it. Not that I mind, it's just a hell of a long drive up there, about an hour no traffic. Long day tomorrow. I'm already tired. Rough cycle. I'll be glad when it calms down. I'm wondering if I should take more iron; if that would help. Oh well.

I have made a conscious decision to remove as much negativity from my life as possible. To that end, I'm trying to make peace with my faith. I have been very angry for so many reasons dating back years, probably 12 years. I'm making an attempt to start over and hope to find comfort and peace when times are rough. Hopefully, I have not severed those ties, but am hoping for benevolence.

Until tomorrow!

Cycle Day 1

Information:

Last night was a bitch. I have this good sized cyst on my right ovary that decided to fight back yesterday. I seriously thought I was gonna end up in the ER again. I managed to tough through it. I found some pain killers and that took the edge off allowing me to get some sleep. So, yay me.

Today is CD1. I called into the clinic like a good little patient to let them know. Told the nurse about my night and she said I didn't do anything bad by taking the drugs because they haven't started anything yet.

We are gonna stick to the original schedule. I will just start the birth control pills early. The even better news is, I only have to make one trip up there to get the blood tests, prescriptions and appointment. Woot!

I gave the nurse the number to the old clinic to talk to their medical records person. Apparently the virology and blood work wasn't in the stuff he sent. It was dumb for me to play he said she said, so I said, you two talk to each other.

I am also gonna bring the pictures of my hysteroscopy in hopes I don't have to do another one. Seems pointless to me. Just had one in March and it was clean. ( I can post those pictures if anyone is interested.) I am also hoping to get out of the orientation and injection training. Been there done that. Still have a tummy that looks like a pin cushion.

They also prescribed an "anti-rejection" drug which the other clinic didn't. I'm really hopeful that will help. Some women on some boards I was reading seemed to have good luck with it. Lot's of BFP's! (Big Fat Positives)

So, I thought I'd also include some helpful information, advice and tips in the blog. The first thing I thought I'd post is an article I found on line.

What One Should and Should Not Say To an Infertile Couple...

By Victoria R. Sweet, R.N.
Legal Nurse Consultant

&

Craig R. Sweet, M.D.
Reproductive Endocrinologist

(Reprinted from Florida Parenting News, February, 1994, and revised September, 1999.)

Introduction:

Infertility affects nearly one in six couples. Approximately 40% of the time, the problem is related to the female partner, another 40% is related to male difficulties and 20% of the time both partners will have medical problems. Many times, infertility is a symptom of an underlying disease process, a disease process the couples have no control over. To these couples, infertility can be a crisis of the deepest kind. Every menstrual cycle represents a failure and is a time of grief for the potential child that never came to be.

The infertile couple will often express their feelings through anger, frustration, feelings of inadequacy, depression and guilt. Relationships with family members with children can suffer, marriages are strained and well-meaning friends and family can overload the couple with advice and pressure. Family and social gatherings become a reminder of infertility. Baby showers can be a traumatic experience. Mother's and Father's Day are often very difficult.

We want to offer some tips that provide support to couples who have not yet had the blessing of a beautiful child to love. With your assistance, most couples going though the process of trying to conceive can maintain a positive attitude.

What Not To Say...

Don't ask a childless person when they are going to have a child. They may be going through the process of trying to conceive but have not yet achieved success. Asking them only reminds them of their problem. They need no extra reminders.

Don't relate stories of your fertility to them. Hearing "my husband just has to look at me and I get pregnant" is very annoying. While well-meaning, the statement is insensitive.

Don't give advice such as "just relax," "you are trying too hard" or "take a cruise." All of these very common comments imply that the couple have control of their fertility. Most of the time, these couples have absolutely no control over their fertility. Implying control leads to feelings of failure and guilt when this advice doesn't work.

I mean honestly. We all know they mean well, but how will a vacation unblock tubes?


Don't offer advice such as sexual timing, position, herbal medications or other totally unproven therapies. There are literally hundreds of old-wife's-tails that, when followed, can drive an infertile patient nearly crazy. Their physician will have covered those natural aspects of their care that may maximize their chances for conception. Once again, please to not imply that they have a sense of control.

My favorite response to this is to ask people how often they masterbate. When they look all shocked and shaken, I say, "Right. It's none of my business. Just like my sex life is none of yours."


Don't express your derogatory personal opinions regarding insemination procedures, test-tube babies or adoption. Sometimes, these are their only hope for having a child. These are your opinions and uninvited advice is rarely desired nor constructive. You are absolutely entitled to your opinion, simply keep it your own. If they ask for your advice, then feel free to state your opinions, but do so in a kind and considerate manner.

OK, I read this and thought, OMG, who would do this?


Don't place blame by accusing the couple of exercising too much, eating the wrong foods or drinking alcohol. These couples may already be blaming themselves. Their physician will have already covered the medical and reproductive consequences of obesity, smoking, alcohol and recreation drugs. Support them in the cessation of these activities and minimize the guilt associated with their consumption. The guilt rarely leads to cessation but often moves the individual to increased consumption.

Yeah, unless they have a medical degree...

What You Can Say and Do...

Do provide couples with plenty of emotional support by saying "It must be difficult to go through this" and "I'm here to listen if you need to talk."

This is the best advice!

Do remember that men can be just as emotional about the problem, sometimes even more so. They may feel their masculinity is at risk.

Do understand the couple's need for privacy.

Do try to understand that if they are your employees, frequent doctor's appointments may be necessary during business hours. Please try to accommodate them as much as possible. Not doing so may also be construed as a form of discrimination and place you at legal risk.

Umm...ya...

Do understand why they may not make it to a baby shower or a holiday event. These frequent events can become overwhelming for an infertile couple.

Do tell the infertile couple that there is hope.

We live on hope.

Conclusions:

Please remember that the vast majority of infertile couples have minimal control of the diseases that causes their infertility. Giving them emotional support during this trying time is a wonderful way to assist them. Giving them subtle hints that they have control plants the seeds of failure in the minds of the infertile patient.

Please be kind, thoughtful and always supportive.

Well, that's all for today. See ya!

Journey's Beginning

Well, here I am again. I.V.F. This time, I thought I would write about my experiences; keep a running journal of what I am going through, what's happening...you know. A little on line therapy. I think it might be a good place to send friends and family members who what to know what's up the the process. So here we go...

The picture is of ICSI (Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection) we will be doing this too.

Information:

I have an appointment June 19, 2008 @ 2.30, I think. This third cycle (third time's a charm right?) we are going through Stanford. Remarkably they are covered by my insurance. Thursday's appointment is to go over the schedule. Well tentative schedule. Things change with your body's levels of hormones and stuff. So here is what I know so far...tentatively....

• 06/20/2008 - Cycle Day 1


• 06/22 to 07/05/2008 - Start Birth Control Pills


• 07/03/08 - Baseline appointment and Hysteroscopy


• I think sometime in here I start the injectable drugs


• 07/20/2008 - I believe I get the HcG shot.


• 07/21/2008 - Egg Retrieval


• 07/24/2008 - Embryo Transfer

Then the dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW)

I also have a tentative list of drugs for this cycle. Now, please forgive my spelling.

• Ganirelix - blocks FSH


• Menepro - Stimulant (Follistim)


• HcG Injection - Induce ovulation


• Medrol - Anti rejection


• Doxycycline - antibiotic


• Valium - well...you know lol

I pick up the drugs on Thursday. To the tune of $407.00, and that is WITH insurance. Lord.

Status:

There seems to be some trouble with getting my medical records from the last clinic. Hopefully that will be sorted. I am also questioning the dr on the Hysteroscopy. I had one about 2 months ago. Not sure why I need another one. I don't want to have one just because it's "in the plan". You know? Just following orders.

Mood:

Needless to say, I am worried. Not too, not yet, but I have my concerns; what with the spotting, cysts and weight and all. But I guess we will do what we can when we can.

Well, I guess that's it. Please feel free to drop me a comment or email if you have any questions. Here is a video that might explain some stuff.